Top 10 Reasons Why I Would Not Make A Good Door-To-Door Tennis Equipment Salesman If there's one aspect of myself that I feel is lacking, it lies within my use of rhetoric. I find it very difficult to persuade anyone to action, let alone to agree with my opinion (should the urge arise). So am I a natural-born salesperson? Nope. And I certainly am not particularly athletic, so selling any sporting goods would ideally lead to failure. But for your benefit, here are the top 10 reasons why I wouldn't make a good door-to-door tennis equipment salesperson. 10. Someone might ask me the differences between tennis and badminton (and I don't know). OK, I know one sport uses a ball and the other requires a birdie (also known as the...teehee! the shuttlecock! teehee!) but what else? I really don't know. Nor do I really have any interest in knowing. So if someone ever asked me during my commercial trek just what the differencs are, I'd just say "Use Wikipedia, sister!" I'd say it. I would. 9. My only true experiences with tennis are from playing Mario Tennis (N64) or from watching those episodes of "8 Simple Rules" where Bridget plays tennis. Yes, Kaley Cuoco is rather cute, even though she plays a ditzy blonde who has very little compassion for her fellow man, favouring clothing and summery make-up blends over earning her own money and treating her various boyfriends like actual people. Er...I don't play much tennis in the real world. 8. I wish not to rival the door-to-door badminton racket salespersons. Have you SEEN those badminton racket salespersons? They're like vicious pumas, always hiding in the shrubbery, wielding a nasty long object! And they'll always get to a neighbourhood before you do. They want to own the block, nay, the entire CITY! They must secretly spy on the tennis racket salesfolks and prophesize their every move, just to remain one step ahead. It's a conspiracy, I tells ya! Sometimes I just want to run up to them and kick them in the shuttlecock! 7. I'm not a people person per se... I have a bit of a temper sometimes, so if things don't go my way, I might just take matters into my own hands. Heck, I'd likely beat people with rackets if they looked at me funny. I'd break windows with tennis balls. I'd smack begonias with Reeboks. I'd use a stern verbal tone to get my message across! Oh yes; I'm just that dangerous. 6. Thin people can't sell sporting goods... ...and let's face it: I'm a manwafer. If people want to buy tennis equipment, they want a body they can trust -- some muscly weight lifter with an empty coconut for a head. Certainly not the toothpick that happens to speak and make tacos on the occasional weekend. If I were to go out selling tennis stuff, it would be like boasting the advertising slogan: "PLAY TENNIS: IT WILL MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT...BUT CAN YOU STOP?!?!?! NOOOOOOOO!!!!" Less than impressive. 5. I'd end up making a "Hey, what's all that racket?" joke. "Hey, what's all that racket?" "I don't hear anything..." "So there's no racket?" "No racket." "Well, you're in luck! You can buy one right now!" I would seriously use that line. And people would get annoyed by that. I guarantee! 4. Shut-ins likely won't take too kindly to me helping them try on tennis outfits, let alone forcing them to stand in plain view of a sun. I hate to badmouth shut-ins... well, okay, I don't REALLY despise doing such, but it's probably morally wrong or something. Anyway, they likely wouldn't be amused if I bothered them, trying to sell equipment or clothing that they'd have to use outdoors, because... then they'd have to go outdoors. That's bad. I wouldn't like to have to deal with a pissed-off shut-in, coming at me with their... rash. 3. If I say "30-Love" to an attractive woman, I might be slapped with a harassment suit. Nowadays, it's pretty damn easy to be slapped with a harassment suit. "You looked at me! I'll sue!" So, if I mentioned anything about "love" to a female client, she might get offended, slap me, and sue me for all I'm worth (which is basically about 55 PlayStation games and a packet of Starburst candies). By the way, why do they call a zero score "love" anyway? Tennis was not meant to be sexy this way. 2. I can't mention tennis balls without snickering. "You can whack your balls really far with this one..." I can see the shocked expression on the possible customer already. What a dirty-minded society we have, myself included. Heehee... balls... 1. Daydreaming of Maria Sharapova during a transaction may not be appropriate... but I'd do it. Then Andy Roddick would come and give me a wallop on the noggin, and that would also be bad. (And yeah, maybe they're just friends, but... still, he'd defend her honour!) Of course, that wouldn't really stop me -- I'd just try to be more discrete about it next time. But my euphoric facial expression would give me away, and Sharapova's boyfriend would return to deal more punishment. It's tough to be an effective salesman with a swollen bruised face. Tennis racket image attained from this site!