Our hero, the almighty Link (who apparently only has one name, taking on after Cher, though not following through with plastic surgery), finds himself burdened with a voracious task: to save the beloved Princess Zelda and the land of Hyrule from the clutches of the evil Gannon. As he is told by Impa, loyal but uninteresting servant of the Princess, he must first collect the eight scattered pieces of the golden Triforce of Wisdom, a cacophony of triangular mysticism, which could be used to help defeat Gannon. Damn; extra drudgery is not part of an adventurer's ideal vacation.
We all know that Legend of Zelda for the NES was, is, and always will be seen as a classic title and a great stepping stone in video gaming history. But seriously... have you READ the horrible script whose lines are strewn amidst the toasted bushes and poorly-lit caverns of Hyrule? Real people don't talk like this. And so, in this article, I will try to get to the bottom of the lackluster dialogue behind the many members of the Hyrulean society by carefully examining each bit of poorly-formed syntactical phrasings delivered in this game! |
Part I: The Overworld Gang