// Part IX: Soy Never Saw It Coming \\ Soy: Let go of that, you young knickerbocker! *the room is quickly illuminated* Dr. Pangus: Oh, don't mind me... I was just admiring that gun of yours. Soy: Yeah, the women love that. Dr. Pangus: Oh, how I'd love to see you shoot it sometime... Soy: Um...are we talking about the same thing? Dr. Pangus: Oh, I sure hope so. I haven't had good love in nigh on seventeen years. Soy: You ill old man. Now release your grasp! ...and who are you anyway? Dr. Pangus: Oh, pardon my manners. I am Dr. Christopher Pangus, morbid scientist and loyal mal-doer to the Anti-Establishment Opposition. Soy: Alright, where's the Great One hiding? Dr. Pangus: I didn't mention the Great One. How did you know about our secret leader? Soy: It's quite simple, actually...you see...uh...hmmm, alright, even I can't figure out why I know about the Great One. Dr. Pangus: Oh, well, you figured it out nonetheless. You sure are smart for someone who is blind. Soy: No, not really. I just kinda walk into notions...and walls...and female locker rooms...and pits filled with chewy taffy...boy, it was hell getting out of that one. Dr. Pangus: Oh, so you seek the President, eh? Soy: Yeah, where's that guy? He keeps hiding in damn steakhouses! I just want to bring that guy back, alive and well. Dr. Pangus: Oh, well... that will be a bit more difficult to do at the moment. Soy: Awww, what the hell now? I'm getting sick of this. Look, just give me the damn President or I'll kick you in the groin which I can't actually see but I will find if I just feel around for it! Dr. Pangus: Oh, pleasurable though that may be, it is not necessary. You see, the President was part of my most recent research project. Soy: Just give me the 411. I'm a blind man on a mission, with no time for filler. Dr. Pangus: Oh, the President has been...harvested for parts. He is...no more. Soy: Son of a bitch. Now I have to collect his parts? I didn't want this to be a crappy Banjo-Kazooie knock-off adventure. Dr. Pangus: Oh, well, actually, his important organs are now part of this robot. *points to the giant 15-foot robot that Blind Man Soy could not see for obvious reasons* Soy: Great. This will indeed be rough. Dr. Pangus: Oh, I forgot about one thing -- your adventure ends here! Get him, my metallic beauty! *the grand robot lights up and begins to stomp towards Soy!* Soy: An obstacle I can't see? I'll be crushed for sure! Is THIS the end of Blind Man Soy? [~to be continued~] « PREVIOUS || NEXT »