// Part X: The Sexy Initiative \\ *the giant robot continues to close in on Blind Man Soy* Soy: Ummm....uhhh....errr....wh-what did you call the robot, Doc? Dr. Pangus: Oh, we code-named him Dodongo, after a very cool and not obscure classic video game enemy! Soy: Wait! If I remember my agent training (and I don't), anything named Dodongo dislikes smoke! If I use this pocket barbeque I brought with me, he will no longer be a thorn in my paw! *cell phone rings* Soy: Hello? Officer Reggie: A pocket barbeque? Now THAT'S zany! *click* Soy: Alright, I'll just...roast a small piece of meat on here, create smoke, and he will truly perish! *Soy cooks meat, creates smoke, and the giant robot crashes to the ground with a huge thud on top of Dr. Pangus* Dr. Pangus: Oh, my invention! You brat! I...oh, I am not going to live much l--*dies* Soy: Good. Now that Pangus and the robot are gone, I can...um...well, to be honest, I'm not sure what exactly to do next. The President's been torn apart, and I can't really see any way of fixing him. I left my demangling tools at home. Damn! Great One: Very good, Blind Man Soy. You've made it this far successfully, and I applaud your efforts. Soy: Who are you? Great One: I am the Great One. Soy: When did you get here? Great One: I've been here the whole time. You just didn't see me. I may attribute that to your lack of effective eyesight. Soy: Tell me -- why did you kidnap the President? Just to harvest his organs to place within a metallic amalgamation of catastrophic nuts and bolts? Great One: I disagree with one of his initiatives... Soy: Oh yeah? Which one is that? Great One: He declared a "war on pornography"! I...I just can't live without my precious pornography! It is part of my very essence -- the naked ladies, they are my friends! I simply could not part with my breast-enhanced bevies! I know, I am weak, but...it is one of the few things in life that makes me happy... Soy: So, by kidnapping the President, he could not continue the war on pornography, allowing you free reign over printed and internet nudity for yourself. Great One: Yes. Now it appears that you cannot rescue the President and be a bad dude! His pieces are now splattered upon the ground, and the five-second rule has long passed. You have failed! Soy: I suppose I have... ...or have I? *wink* [~to be continued~] « PREVIOUS || NEXT »