| Blind Man Soy and his son, Roy, have boarded a plane headed to Salem, Oregon. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
This is pretty damn wild. I've never been on a plane before! I usually just walk to wherever I need to go. That, or attempt to drive a golf cart. That usually ends in pelvic failure. |
|
| ROY: |
Yeah, I enjoy flying! There are so many awesome aspects of it! Being able to hover over the clouds, the sheer thrill of adventure, struggling with vacuum-sealed packets of deliciously salty peanuts... |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
And don't forget airport security frisking! |
|
| ROY: |
Yeah, why did you get frisked? |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
They thought I was hiding a concealed weapon. Turned out to just be my enormous manhood. I guess they were right! Hee hee hee! |
|
| ROY: |
...Okay, no more talking for the rest of the flight. |
|
| The two land in Salem safely, split a falafel plate in a lovely restaurant, and then begin to seek out the lost Éveline of Soy's past. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
I suppose the next thing we need to do is figure out how exactly to locate a person named Éveline in some random city. |
|
| ROY: |
Should we consult a phone book? |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
That's a silly idea. You know I'm blind and thus cannot read a phone book! |
|
| ROY: |
...uh, maybe I could read it for you? |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Pish-posh! Only I, an unlicensed but nevertheless well-experienced detective-style individual, can perform such magnificently appointed duties as phone book reading. |
|
| ROY: |
Unh... well, that may not be wise anyway. My mom might be married by now, thus having a different last name... and such. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
It appears that she is not married to me! ...I think she isn't. Hold on one second. *rummages through a small folder in his coat* Nope, none of my marriage licenses are to anyone named Éveline. |
|
| ROY: |
Whoa, man! How did you end up getting married so many times? |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
I'm a sucker for romance, and I'm even more romantic with suckers. |
|
| ROY: |
Gross. I also don't remember you ever wearing a coat prior until this very moment. Anyway, I seem to be stumped. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Wait a minute! |
|
| ...one minute later... |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
I have an idea! Roy, do you remember the name of the hospital where you were born? |
|
| ROY: |
Uh... yeah, I, uh, I think so... |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Maybe we can take a look at your old hospital records for information! |
|
| ROY: |
Er... okay, if you... if you want... |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Alright! I feel a new sense of vitality flowing through me! ...wait, no, I just wet my pants a little. |
|
| ROY: |
If you really think this will help-- |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Maybe more than a little. |
|
| ROY: |
--it's St. Flacid Hospital. In fact, it's right over there! *points* |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
... |
|
| ROY: |
Right there! *points* |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
... |
|
| ROY: |
It's to the west, Dad. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
West! We meet again, my cardinal directional arch-nemesis! But have no fear, son, for Blind Man Soy is hot on the trail! I shall solve whatever case this is that I'm trying to solve, even though I've already forgotten what it is! Let's go! |
|
| ROY: |
Hmmm... |
|
