| Blind Man Soy and his newly-acquainted son Roy have opted to fly to Boston to meet with Officer Leroy at the FBISEX building to enlist his aid in the search for Roy's mother and Blind Man Soy's we're-not-quite-sure-what. |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Good afternoon, Officer Leroy! It's good to see you again! |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Yeah, that's probably a lie. Look, I'm a very busy man. I have to finish all three of these jelly-filled donuts by the end of the day or else I will have to eat my usual six fresh donuts PLUS the extra stale ones from today tomorrow! |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
...Yeah. Anyway, I'd like you to meet my son, Roy! |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Blind Man Roy?! |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
No, just Roy. |
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| ROY: |
It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
What a gentleman! I guess manners don't run in the family... |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
*picks his butt* What? Sorry, I was busy rummaging around in my anus. |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Don't waste any more of my time. What do you want? And furthermore, why do all our names end in -oy? |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
We need your help to find a lost woman. |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Stalking ANOTHER woman, Soy? Haven't you tortured humanity enough for one lifetime? |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Haw haw, you're as funny as what I found while rummaging a second ago. |
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| ROY: |
What did you find? |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
A bottle cap from a soda bottle whose brand hasn't existed in 17 years. |
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| ROY: |
Sweet! |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Well, bottle cap or not, I will not play matchmaker for you, Soy. It would be a breach of security to do so! |
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| ROY: |
No, no, it's not to find him another mate! We have to find my mom! |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Oh, Soy, did you forget who you had sex with again? |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
For your information, yes, yes I did. |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Roy, can you remember her name? |
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| ROY: |
Yes, I certainly can... |
|
| ...ten minutes later... |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
... |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
... |
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| ROY: |
... |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Well, are you going to tell us or not? I can't just sit here playing an eternal staring contest! |
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| ROY: |
Oh yeah, right. Her name is Éveline. |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Éveline what? |
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| ROY: |
Crap, I don't remember her maiden name! Dad, do you remember? |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Éveline... Éveline... I think I've slept with about twenty of those. |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Do you know where she lives? |
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| ROY: |
I think she's in Salem, Oregon. I know that's where I was born. |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Ah, crap, I don't want to go back there. |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Why not? |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
I once ate a bad piece of melon there... I just can't do it... |
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| ROY: |
Come on, Dad! |
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| OFFICER LEROY: |
Yeah, come on, Dad! |
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| BLIND MAN SOY: |
*sigh* Alright, alright... geez, first I help you get conceived, then you want me to take you to Oregon. Cut the damn umbilical cord, boy! |
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