| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Did you just call me Dad? |
|
| MUGGER: |
I think I did. *refers back to the previous episode* Yup, I sure did. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
But I don't recall ever having impregnated anyone, aside from that time that I impregnated that random hot chick during that massive orgy about seventeen years ago... but don't statistics show that most pregnancies turn out to be just gas? |
|
| MUGGER: |
That statistic was made up by the ADF -- the Association of Deadbeat Fathers. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
I see. But how old are you? |
|
| MUGGER: |
I just turned seventeen. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
This alone proves you are my biological son! It must be so! |
|
| MUGGER: |
Man, this is awesome! I finally found one of my parents! |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
What happened to your mom? |
|
| MUGGER: |
I really don't know. Apparently she dropped me off at the local orphanage and then ran off. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Funny, that's exactly what she did with me after we had intercourse. It seemed a little odd as first... Oh well. So, son, what's your name? |
|
| MUGGER: |
Roy. What's yours? |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Soy! |
|
| ROY: |
Hmmm... waiiiiit a second! Are you... you're the legendary Blind Man Soy, aren't you? |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
That's me! I am Blind Man Soy, defender of justice and honker of breasts! |
|
| ROY: |
Wow, my dad's a famous goon-dude! I feel so rad! Now I know how the Bush twins feel! |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
So tell me, what led you to this life of crime, debauchery, and old lady grabbing? |
|
| ROY: |
The last one is just for kicks, but this is the life I've been living ever since I broke out of the orphanage. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
How long ago was this? |
|
| ROY: |
About fifteen minutes ago. |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Daaaaaaaayyy-umn! |
|
| ROY: |
I tried to steal the old lady's purse because I... *snif* |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
C'mon, out with it, boy! I haven't got all day! Well, okay, I have all day but I still don't like waiting. |
|
| ROY: |
I...I have an addiction to artificial sweeteners! Oh, I'm so embarrassed! |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Well, at least you didn't try and sugarcoat the circumstances. But hey, I haven't been so great lately either. I've just been laying in my apartment, fighting off the cockroaches for crumbs and pornographic magazines. |
|
| ROY: |
Awww, you just need a good case to get you back on your feet! ...Whoa, dude, I just had a gnarly brainpoof! Why don't you help me find my long lost mother? |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Find your mother... Yes, this sounds like a heartwarming case for the legendary Blind Man Soy to take on! Once people hear about my exploits, I will be as beloved as Montel Williams! People will praise me and toss their undergarments at me! I feel joyous! |
|
| ROY: |
Maybe we could even become a fully-functioning family unit someday! |
|
| BLIND MAN SOY: |
Let's not be too hasty. Alright, I'll help you out... son! Just don't hug me; I don't like that. |
