// Episode VII: Deafness Makes The Heart Grow Fonder \\ *Soy is face to face with Deaf Girl Lima, a woman we still know practically nothing about* Soy: Deaf Girl Lima, YOU are the dastardly dastard who dastardly did this? Lima: WHAAAAAT? Hold on, let me turn on my hearing aid! *click* There, that's better. What did you say? Soy: Deaf Girl Lima, YOU are the dastardly dastard who dastardly did this? Lima: It appears to be true. Soy: But why? Why would you steal the state of Utah? What purpose could that possibly serve you? Lima: *chuckles* Oh Soy, you handsome devil of a man... You are truly an ignorant man... Soy: That's a given, but I don't see why you've done such a horrible deed. Lima: Well, I hate to be an Accusatory Annie, but I'm afraid it was you who caused this entire predicament, yes. Soy: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA? How in the frickin' hell did I cause this? I didn't build a damn flying saucer to pick up a state. And if I am indeed guilty, I'd rather have stolen Florida. Lima: Why Florida? Soy: It's shaped like a wang. Lima: I see. Soy: *sigh* I must sit. This is all too much for a handsome devil of a man to handle... *Soy sits down, his face buried in his hands* Soy: You were such a great girl in school. Smartest one in the class... enjoyed helping others... best fingerpainter in o'er the land. Lima: ... Soy: Just... tell me all the details I need to know. I'm quite tired after being given an astro-wedgie. Lima: You, sir, caused my downward spiral to crime, you know... Soy: Oh, how the crap did I do THAT?! I've been out of your life for quite some time now, growing up and growing fuzz on the peaches in the process. Lima: Do you remember the tenth grade? All year, I had longed to be your girlfriend. I had longed to feel your warm embrace against me as we skipped through the meadow... So right before the annual moonlight spring dance, I swallowed my pride and courageously asked you out. You turned me down; right then and there, I felt that my life was over. Everything I had aimed for at that point in my life was torn to shreds... Everything I thought I could count on abandoned me. I couldn't go back to school and face your cruel lips again, so I quit high school, ran away from home, and ended up on the streets... But to live, I had to start stealing things. An apple here, a loaf of bread there... Eventually, I couldn't be satisfied with petty theft; only the thrill of the challenge excited me and gave me a reason to live. So I started stealing crates of apples, truckloads of bread. And this was my ultimate challenge: to steal a flying saucer and knab Utah! So you see, Soy, it was you who caused this downward spiral to criminal activity! Soy: *stunned* Uh...that's great, except for one thing... Lima: What's that? Soy: Well, when you asked me out, I DID say yes! Lima: WHAT... DID... YOU... SAY?!?! Soy: Oh, I was quite taken by you, to be honest. You just didn't hear me respond... Lima: ...because I can't hear! Oh dear freaking goodness... NOOOOOOOOOO!!! So my life could have been much better -- we could have been married, had children, owned a crockpot... Oh my... Soy: What a miscommunication. Lima: Oh my my my... *shocked* You've got to help me get this back before I'm in even MORE trouble! Soy: Dude, I'm not getting my fingerprints all over Utah! Lima: Please... Do it for me, please... You're all I have left in this world... *a tear rolls down her cheek* Soy: ...*sigh*...alright, I'll help you out. Damn, I'm such a softy. But if THIS turns out to be the end of Blind Man Soy, I'm holding you personally responsible! [ ...to be continued... ] « PREVIOUS || NEXT »