*Soy is tossed vigorously inside the ship*
Soy: Aiii! I hate to travel by air! *slams into a metallic wall* Oof! Pad that sucker, will ya?
Alien Creature: Uhhh... come with me, pitiful human lump.
Soy: Oh! A being! And you speak English!
Alien Creature: No.
Soy: But I understand you completely!
Alien Creature: This is fortunate. Now do come with--
Soy: I must be super-intelligent to be able to comprehend your mystical language! I am Soy, Master of the Foreign Tongue!
Alien Creature: You are Soy, coming with me.
Soy: Mmmm... very well. But could you get me some soda crackers? I have a serious craving for a soda cracker!
Alien Creature: "So-da crack-er"... I'm afraid I don't know what this so-da crack-er is.
Soy: Wow, what a primitive species! ...uh, what species are you anyway?
Alien Creature: We are known by a variety of names, but you may call us the Sorloreans.
Soy: Sorloreans... hmmm, okay. Y'know, I'm actually rather surprised that I am not frightened by you at all. Anyway, what exactly do you Sorloreans look like?
Alien Creature: Use your ocular vision to determine the response.
Soy: Uh... no can do. I is blind.
Alien Creature: You are blind? How did you locate our craft?
Soy: I'm Blind Man Soy, detective. I can do just about anything... er, except open a pianist's front door.
Alien Creature: Why can you not open a pianist's front door?
Soy: I can never find the right key.
Alien Creature: Earth humour -- it makes no sense.
Soy: I'll say.
Alien Creature: Our leader claims to have been expecting your arrival. She is waiting for you presently.
Soy: SHE? Oh my, a female leader? Oh, I wish I had worn a better shirt...
Alien Creature: Enough fashion banter -- move.
*Soy is escorted to the leader's quarters*
Alien Creature: Our leader will speak with you now.
Soy: Thanks for the escort, pal. What do I owe ya?
Alien Creature: Your humour never ceases to disembowel my soul. *walks away*
Soy: That guy needs to get laid.
*The leader sits in her chair facing away from Soy*
Soy: Alright, I don't see you, Miss Leader, but I can tell using my nostrils of wisdom that you are quite a beautiful woman-type individual, and I'm sure you are also a forgiving person who will certainly not condemn me for "accidentally" denting your lovely craft, and I know you must have your reasons for wanting to abduct the inhabitants and the land space of the entire state of Utah but I would like to request that, if you have any compassion in your heart, that you return the state to its natural place in our fine country because it's causing corruption and mania down below and we are just simple folk who wish not to be bothered by--
Leader: ....Soy....
Soy: Yes, Ms. Leader?
Leader: ....Shut up before I shut you up....
Soy: Beg pardon?
Leader: ....I shouldn't listen to a piece of s**t like you....
Soy: Whoa!!! Cursing in an episode of the Adventures of Blind Man Soy? Unreal! What's your problem, lady?
Leader: ....Do you not remember me, Soy?
Soy: The voice IS a tad familiar. Where have I heard it before?
*The Leader turns around in her chair and reveals her face to the blind Soy*
Leader: ....Foolish Soy....think hard....
Soy: I'm afraid that I-- waiiiiiiiiit... No! It can't be!
Leader: ...Yes, it is I...
Soy: ...DEAF GIRL LIMA!!!
[ ...to be continued... ]
