Nurse Megsy: I have good news, Mr. Soy!
Soy: Mr. T is coming to give me a sponge bath?
Nurse Megsy: Ewww... no. I have good news to report! Apparently, the medical staff here made a grand error!
Soy: Yay! ...wait, that's not cool. What's going on?
Nurse Megsy: It turns out that you were not meant to be in this body cast! It was meant for a Mr. Sui down the hall. I guess the head nurse said his name like your name! You just needed to be treated for a few bruises.
Soy: That's a serious pain in the ass.
Nurse Megsy: True, but I am here to remove your cast! I have a bucket of water and an industrial-strength chisel! Let's get cracking!
Soy: Goody goody gumdrops!
Nurse Megsy: Uh, yeah.
*after an hour of chiseling and peeling away*
Nurse Megsy: There we are, Mr. Soy. Your cast is off and you can move about freely.
Soy: Great! Hey, I feel a sharp, cool draft!
Nurse Megsy: You weren't wearing any clothes under your cast!
Soy: Oh my! Then I am...EXPOSED! Nurse Megsy, stop staring!
Nurse Megsy: How did you know I was staring?
Soy: Who WOULDN'T? *smiles*
Nurse Megsy: You are free to leave at any time, Mr. Soy. But I do warn you: you smell really foul.
Soy: You'd stink too if you were falsely imprisoned in a body cast for such a long period of time!
Nurse Megsy: It's been about an hour or so.
Soy: Then I blame my natural juices!
Nurse Megsy: A pox on your juices.
Soy: Now don't forget that you said you'd help me go after that U.F.O. up there!
Nurse Megsy: That is correct. Well, my shift is over, so let's go outside! I have ordered that cannon you requested; we'll shoot you up to the flying saucer immediately!
Soy: This will be a breeze! After all, 'Soaring Eagle' is my middle name!
Nurse Megsy: According to your medical chart, your middle name is Figlioso.
Soy: I wouldn't trust a medical chart for consistency. Let's go!
*Soy dresses himself clumsily then goes outside with Nurse Megsy, where a large black cannon is indeed awaiting use*
Nurse Megsy: Please enter the cannon and prepare for a safe journey to the sky.
Soy: Thanks, Megsy! *enters the cannon*
Nurse Megsy: That's NURSE Megsy to you. There is already plenty of gun powder in there, so you'll be shot pretty far up.
Soy: What if I become ignited?
Nurse Megsy: Walk it off. Now I will light this botefeux and prepare myself for the loud KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOM! *lights the fuse*
Soy: You're quite knowledged about cannon lingo!
Nurse Megsy: My father's half-cannon.
Soy: Huh. You'd better stand back, Nurse Megsy, or you may get injured by the blast!
Nurse Megsy: Always concerned about my safety! That's why I like you so much, Mr. Soy!
Soy: What?
Nurse Megsy: Nothing. Alright, I'll just step ba---WHOOOOOA!!!
*Nurse Megsy falls off the edge of Utah into the frigid waters of the ocean below*
Soy: Nurse Meg--
Cannon: KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Soy: --SYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
*Soy flies into the air and grapples onto the edge of the unidentified flying object*
Soy: Ow, my crotch! Oh, I have caught the bugger! ...Now what? Oh yes -- I should mourn for Nurse Megsy. *sniff*
*a strange turquoise creature appears in a window*
Soy: Oh no! I've been spotted, I assume! If I could see, I'd know for sure!
Strange Creature: Ngoooongyet! Ngooooongyet!
Soy: Did he just call me a ngoooongyet? That's the third time this week.
*suddenly, a large claw-arm emerges from the ship and picks up Soy by the pants*
Soy: Oh no! Is this the end of Blind Man Soy's pants?
[ ...to be continued... ]
