// Episode III: The Mystery Hospital of Nurse Megsy \\ *Soy awakens in a groggy state* Soy: Unhhh... wh-where am I? What happened? Nurse Megsy: Oh, you poor stinky fellow. You had yourself a nasty little accident there, pumpkincheeks! Soy: An accident! That explains why I can't feel my toes! But what accident? I remember smelling something in the distance, and then... it's all a blank. Nurse Megsy: Silly boy. You ran a golf cart into a brick wall. Soy: Heh heh... that sounds like me. Nurse Megsy: I'm afraid you'll have to remain in that body cast for a good six weeks or so. Soy: Body cast? What the--?! Nurse Megsy: What, you couldn't see that big white plaster cast on your body? Soy: No! I'm Blind Man Soy! I'm 100% blind as a bat who can't see at all! Nurse Megsy: Ah, that's what it says on your chart. Is that your REAL name? Soy: Well, not really. I had it changed from Blind Adolescent Soy about nine years ago. Nurse Megsy: But... "Soy" isn't really a standard name anyway. Soy: Oh, THAT... well, of course it's not my real name. It's more of a slick alias that I use at, well, pretty much all times, to teach everyone about a lactose-free alternative to life. Nurse Megsy: I wonder... Have you always been blind? Soy: No, actually I was born with excellent vision! Nurse Megsy: Well, if it's not too intrusive, might I ask how you came to become blind? Soy: Well, everything was just fine until Grade 11 Chemistry class. We were working with the element magnesium. We were told to look away from the magnesium element itself when we burned it because it would emit so much light that it could cause serious eye damage. But I just couldn't look away from metal lighting up! So... here I am today, blind and unamused. Nurse Megsy: How terrible! Soy: You aren't kidding. Blindness was no boon. I lost my lovely girlfriend, most of my friends, and my favourite hat. Also, I was becoming subject to far too many tacks and gumwads being placed on my chair before I sat down by nasty bullies. Nurse Megsy: You poor fellow! You must have been absolutely traumatized by this experience! Soy: Darn right -- I sure do miss that hat. Nurse Megsy: Well, anyway, I'm going to let this one slide because your driver's license also gives that name, thus allowing you legally to utilize that name on hospital forms without being accused of wicked misnomery! Soy: How did you know it was on my driver's license? Nurse Megsy: Oh, we robbed you while you were asleep. I think the bigger mystery is how you got a driver's license in the first place. Soy: Do you really want to know? Nurse Megsy: Oh yessum! Soy: Do you REALLY REALLY want to know? Nurse Megsy: Yes, Mr. Soy! Soy: I slept with a DMV attendant. Nurse Megsy: What corruption! Anyway, if there's anything you need, just press that buzzer beside your bed. Soy: Hey! I'm not exactly in the right physical state to be able to press it! Nurse Megsy: The American health system: what are ya gonna do? Soy: I see. Thanks, Nurse Megsy. By the way, you smell nice... Nurse Megsy: *blush blush* Oh, Mr. Soy! You're so sweet! If you weren't so blind, I'd probably consider letting you hold my hand whilst I give you a facial bath! Soy: Niiiice. Say, Nurse...um... Nurse Megsy: My name is Megan, but my friends call me Megsy. You can call me Nurse Megsy! Soy: Cool. Nurse Megsy, where exactly am I? Nurse Megsy: You're at Sanpete Valley Hospital, you confused little man-scarab! Soy: Sanpete... where in Sanpete is that?!?! I'm not familiar with a hospital in Boston by that name... Nurse Megsy: That's because this is Mount Pleasant, Utah! Soy: UTAH?!?! How the hell did I get here?!?!?! [ ...to be continued... ] « PREVIOUS || NEXT »