// Episode I: Lost State Of Mind \\ Officer Leroy: Samantha, please send in Mr. Soy. *waits a minute* Officer Leroy: Samantha, is Mr. Soy ready for our scheduled appointment? *waits another minute* Officer Leroy: Dammit, Samantha! What's going on out there? *Blind Man Soy enters* Officer Leroy: Ah! There you are, Mr. Soy. I was wondering if Samantha, my secretary, was ever going to send you in. Soy: I didn't smell any secretaries out there... Officer Leroy: Then who was I talking to out there? Soy: Well, uh, there's a cat out there. I could tell because I could sense cat food crunching under my feet. Officer Leroy: That's Samantha! Was she licking herself instead of performing her clerical duties again? Soy: I'll bet. Anyway, why did you ask me to come all the way here? And where am I? Officer Leroy: You are in Boston, good sir, at the regional office of the Federal Bureau of Inference of Strange Expectations. Soy: I didn't know I had the advanced qualifications to be an FBISEXual! Officer Leroy: *shocked expression* Soy: Oh, don't look so shocked. Officer Leroy: H-How could you tell? Soy: I used my other senses. I smell beauty, and I also hear emotion! Officer Leroy: I'd rather not know what specialties you taste. But this case will certainly be right up your alley then. We've heard of your amazing (albeit sluggishly paced) mission from when you opted to be a bad enough dude to rescue the President... Soy: Good times, except for when I was imprisoned and later manhandled and fiddled with by my inmates... Officer Leroy: ...er, and your experienced have proven you have what it takes to be an FBISEXual! But this is a task larger than rescuing just some old mansack of a leader! Oh yes, far larger! Soy: I don't know if that was good grammar or not. Officer Leroy: It appears as though the entire state of Utah has been stolen! It's all gone! There's not a speck of Utah dust to be found! Soy: And that's...bad? Officer Leroy: It most certainly is! If we don't get Utah back, how will Americans be able to defend their country by saying, "At least we have Utah!", eh? Soy: Nobody says that. Officer Leroy: Lots of people say that! Learn your hip teen jargon, you blind oaf! Soy: So you want me to get it back. Officer Leroy: Sounds good. Soy: Uh-huh... Officer Leroy: Yeah... Soy: Do you... um... have any leads as to who might have stolen Utah? Officer Leroy: No, but you're a big soy now -- you can do it! Soy: *sigh* Why do I feel like this is already the end of Blind Man Soy? Officer Leroy: Stop saying that line; it got old during your last mission. Soy: Well, I'll still take the case. But, where do I begin? And more importantly, where is the door? [ ...to be continued... ] || NEXT »